Many apologies for the constant stagnation of my blog in entry-wise. I haven't been able to find enough time to actually get online most of the time during the week, and it's usually during the weekends when I am able to come online to do these sorts of things (MSN, blog, catch up on my LJ f-list).

My half yearly exams start next Monday, and to be honest, I'm very unprepared at this stage of time, with only five days till my Maths exam. Six to my Biology. A week to my written Japanese exam. It's stressful. I come back from school, and all I want to do is rest. You can't expect yourself to continue working for another two hours till dinner straight after studying for 5 hours at school, can you? No. I tried that once, and it proved to be very detrimental to my brain. My study plan is not really working out as well as I had expected it to be, and I'm getting more tired by the day.

I wonder about giving up. To simply put my studying to complete stop - I wonder if the belief that nothing matters anymore will get me through the HSC would actually work. Why do we work so hard for this one moment in our lives - the achievement of school, overall? It won't dictate our complete lives. It most certainly won't. The world out there is full of opportunities, and yet our eyes fail to look beyond this blockade in our journeys of life. I suppose it's partly for that wonderful sense of achievement - of doing your ultimate best and having the ability after that to show everyone else that you have done great. The sense of achievement that raises your determination to go further, to leap, to take the extra step with style and elegance.

Still, I question - why does it matter so much to us? Beliefs and values and attitudes of our parents, taught to us and put into practice. Oh, just imagine if nothing really didn't matter! The infamous acronym UAI didn't mean anything, and so did university. One might wonder - does that mean life is meaningless? And are we really driven by dreams and aspirations, or are we pulled along by the power of the values and attitudes of our society today?

Intense. Questions about existentialism keep floating about my mind, and it really makes me ponder. Damn my English transformation studies!

Cheers.